The Dark Thirty

You know, I really wouldn’t describe my day as dark. My thirtieth birthday has come and gone, and I’m left with a feeling of fullness that I wouldn’t deem as darkness.

These kinds of days are exhausting. I am sitting here at the end of it, feeling dog tired. My students were maniacs today, I had constant interruptions, my phone was blowing up, I turned every corner to greet yet another person saying “Happy birthday!” I went from this place to the next to the next and to the next. At 9:00 tonight I see home for the first time all day. It was slam packed with stuff. But in the midst of it all…

I felt the love.

From lots of directions.

And it was good.

This birthday could have been dark. There’s part of me that mourns the loss of my twenties. When Logan asked me tonight what part of being in my thirties I look forward to, to my surprise, I didn’t really have much in my head. I had more to say about what I’d miss about the roaring twenties, and less about what I anticipate in the dirty thirties.

The twenties have seemed to hold adventure that no other decade can hold. Freedom. Youth. Energy. Ascent. How can you top that? Sign me up for another decade of that.

But the thirties… I don’t look like a thirty-year-old, do I? I don’t feel like one. I sure as heck don’t dress like one (because you know thirty year olds dress like grandmas. Ha ha). Wha-wha? I have to act like a grown up now? The sheer weight of that responsibility is enough to crush one’s spirits pretty quickly.

Alas. I have to remember: the thirties will be good. They hold memories waiting to be unwrapped. Memories of my kids growing up. Memories of us helping those younger than us figure out life. Memories of monumental anniversaries, fresh experiences, and adventure. Just a different kind of adventure.

So thankful to have a set of super thoughtful people around me who just know me, and can help remind me of these things. I so appreciate every little detail that was pushed toward me today to make me feel loved.

My family birthday party, creatively filled with thirty memories of my life, two kinds of lovely cake, and Superbowl food (my favorite part: no football). My sewing accessories. My KWU tee and kitchen accessories. My super awesome Birkenstocks. My plane ride. My surprise Wichita date with Logan and Evie to my favorite restaurant (Cheddar’s) and walk on the Water Front. My mint Sprite Sonic drink. My fall scented candle. My Tazo Chai, magnets, scarf, gift cards, and chocolate treats. My bag of string, napkins, paper clips, sticky notes, and stamps. The notes, the texts, the FB messages, the drop-ins, the decorations, the serenades, the hugs. And how can I forget? My sack of red potatoes, each one hand delivered to my desk with a message saying, “You’re worth it.” As silly as that one seemed, I needed that. You all know me too well. Thank you.

May the next decade be filled with adventures that bring me nearer to you and to my Jesus.

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